Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry (news - web sites) and members of his staff watch Game 7 of the American League Championship Series between the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees from their hotel room in Boardman, Ohio October 20, 2004.
1. "Is Edwards finished with his hair yet? He's been in there for two hours and I've really got to drain 'Little John' if you know what I mean."
2. "As a regular guy, I greatly enjoy watching the local baseball squadron while drinking ... what do you peasants call this brownish yellow substance in the brown bottles again?"
3. "Damn it, we should have known two five-gallon buckets of fried chicken wouldn't be enough. Who invited Michael Moore, anyway?"
4. "Don't get that excited, you guys. The bulges are from their cups."
5. "Come on, you guys, in my country, Jerry Lewis is regarded as a genius!"
6. "O.J., stop kicking Janeane Garofalo when nobody's looking, we all know it's you."
7. "So, when does Manny Ortiz get his turn at bat?"
8. "What I don't understand is... why is the Coyote so stupid? Why doesn't he just get a shotgun, crawl around on his stomach, and shoot the Roadrunner?"
9. "Tuhrayzuh's in the bedroom watching the Thorazine parade. Hopefully, that'll keep her mouth shut for the next two weeks."
10. "'Bull Durham' always reminds me of when I was in Vietnam, mainly of the time I got wasted and woke up next to a gook hooker that looked just like Susan Sarandon... if she were middle-age and oriental... and a guy."