Tuesday, October 21, 2014

On the next Episode of 'Pervert Chef'

1. The new White House Chef has a few ideas where M'Chel can stick her vegetables.

2. He thought his seduction technique couldn't miss until Gordon Ramsay told him to "Sod off, y'bloody poofter."

3. "Ya know what, skip the salad and just bring me some meat and vege... on the other hand, may I just see the dessert menu."

Well, Hello Sailor!

1. Blah Blah Blah Seaman... Blah Blah Blah Poop Deck...

2. "Don't worry about paying for the honeymoon. We'll find some Christians who don't wanna bake us a cake and sue their asses off. Hello, Tuscany!!"

3. "You're actually proposing? Well, blow me down!" "Later, honey."

4. "Billy, I want you to always be the torpedo in my tube."

5. "You know, seeing you in that position reminds me of the dimly lit rest area where we met."

Monday, October 20, 2014

Sir, Your Agenda Has Been Declined

1. "And for the mess M'Chel left in the bathroom... is um, twenty bucks, okay?"

2. "I am sorry, sir, but Man's Country doesn't take American Express."

3. "You want a, um, tip? OK..., after the election you'll be replaced by an undocumented Democrat. So, um, you might not want to renew your, um, lease."

4. "So, 15% on an $84 dollar check is like, um, what... $4?"

5. "Mr. President, please, get me out of here. Get me a bullshit job on your staff. Please! I have a Master's in Womyn's Studies for goddess's sake!"

Friday, October 17, 2014

Butt Hole

The Fantastic Four's Thing gets a much-needed prostate exam.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Eating Scene, M'Chel and Unhappy Children

Done enough gagh captions. Done enough "Eat this or I will gut you with bat'leth" captions. Getting tougher to find a first Klingon angle that isn't played out yet.

1. "A little nutmeg effectively covers the taste of bitter almonds," thought M'Chel.

2. "You damn well better eat your vegetables you chalk-faced-whore."

3. Little girl. "So, after you picked all of these mushrooms from the woods in the Pacific Northwest, did the townspeople come to marvel at the size of your footprints and speculate what kind of ape-beast you might be?"

4. "This 'Reggie Love Special Creamy Salad Dressing' tastes weird."

5. Little girl. "Well, I wasn't bulimic *before* I started eating the Obama-mandated school lunches."

Best of chronos the wonder pig
see children, one mutant rabbit will feed the whole school......

Best of Best of
The beast is about to tear off white meat strips from its young victim after hearing an innocent comment about white stripes being slimming.

Best of racerboy
Bah, this is woman's food! Bring me something that bleeds, food for a warrior!!!

Best of Dr. Doom
"I don't care if you like it or not - YOU WILL EAT IT," commanded the First Lady, "now keep choking it down or I will send you to the Safe Schools Czar for a little 'special counselling'..."

Best of Steve O
The trick is to keep your elbows on the table, and use a crane motion to move the food to your mouth.

Best of The Expendable
Little Susie thawt bubble: "This centerpiece is a lot nicer than the centerpieces we usually get at school lunch."

M'chelle thawt bubble: "This arugula and dandelion salad isn't nearly as good as I get in Martha's Vineyard."

Best of jimmy
Little Suzie was told she would either eat for the cameras, or she would never see her mommy and daddy again. No one told her she had to pretend to enjoy the food.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Oh goodie. Vegetables. I love eating vegetables. Yes. *sigh* How I love eating vegetables. This is my dream dinner - vegetables. Hooray. What a privilege it is to be here, eating vegetables with the First Lady. Oh, what a lucky girl I am."

Best of Submariner
Klingon thawt bubble: "Portuguese Water Dog is TASTY! Now maybe Barry'll get the idea to obey when I order HIM to stay..."

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

That Is One Big Flippin' Rabbit


1. The new Donnie Darko remake has great CGI, but I think the producers missed the point of the original.

2. Worst part of owning a giant mutant rabbit; turds the size of softballs.

3. Now you must imagine "Meh, What's up, doc?" delivered in a floor-rattling baritone.

4. Mary Kay cosmetics issued a recall of all steroid-enhanced eyeliner products today as test animals began showing side effects.

Best of GregMan
BORA (Blatantly Obvious Reference Alert): "That's no ordinary rabbit!

Best of chronos the wonder pig
"And I, for one, welcome our new rabbit overlords."

Best of The Expendable
Thumper? I barely know 'er!

Best of The Expendable
"I will name him George, and I will love him and squeeze him..."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Eh... What's up Podiatrist?"

Best of jimmy
"You can keep your fancy cable television. I just have Thumper sit on top of the TV and I can pick up channels in Indonesia!"

Best of dadoctah
Furry fever comes to Enumclaw.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"If you think this is big, wait until you see my giant pussy!"

Best of Dr. Doom
Ang Lee's remake of Who Framed Roger Rabbit was... disturbing, really really disturbing...

Best of Dr. Doom
"Ehhh, what's up doc? I knew we shouldn't a taken that left turn at Los Alamos, Elmer," said Bugs...

Best of Kaptain Krude
Sadly ORA: "Now all we need is a giant cat and a giant penguin, and Deathtongue will live again!"

Monday, October 13, 2014

Abortion Barbie (D-TX) Rolls Out Her New Campaign Ad

1. Ironically, Abortion Barbie now wishes she had never been born.

2. They wondered why the rally was so sparsely attended, and then realized all the good parking spaces had been taken.

3. "And I just want to say that as your governor, I will work for you;  No matter how defective, inferior, or useless to society you are."

4. "And now our main speaker... Joe Biden... let's stand up and give him a round of... oh, never mind."

5. "Dear Ms. Davis, How is my old campaign manager working out for you? (signed) Todd Akin."

Best of Dr. Doom
I bet there is a strong odor of Ass Fragrance in that assemblage...

Best of Jay Guevara
"And I'd like to announce the start of the walk-a-thon in support of my campaign. Let's roll!"

Best of jimmy
"Oh, no! Roberta, you need to get up front for the photo op. As our anorexic, transgendered, Black, Jewish, gluten-intolerant lesbian with low vision problems, you deserve the prime real estate. Hey, you! Forrest Gump! Move it or lose it."

The Prince and the SCOAMF


1. "Speaking of places run by an old queen, have you ever been to Man's Country?"

2. "Just gently touch the tips... come on... ah, that feels good, doesn't it?"

3. "Let me be clear, I have nothing but the, um, utmost respect for the um, special relationship between the US and Britain," said the SCOAMF while pissing on HRH's shoes.

4. "Speaking of, um, special relationships... have you ever been to Man's Country?"

5. "Did you enjoy the Corgi puppy Her Majesty sent?" "Yeah, it was delicious!"

Best of chronos the wonder pig
Shiny things!!

Best of dadoctah
"Loved you in Purple Rain, bro."

Best of The Expendable
"That's... umm... that's a lot of medals. Did you... umm... earn those as a corpse man?

Best of jimmy
As usual, Obama is not in on the joke as Camilla blows in Obama's ear to make that "wind whistling through the eaves" sound.

Best of Dr. Doom
The Prince of Wales can't contain his mirth as Mr. Obama bows to the footman...

Best of Dr. Doom
The products of centuries of inbreeding come together at a state function. Hilarity ensues...

Best of marco
So then I, um, point to my, um, head like this, and...tell them I'm really smart, um, and they elect me! Works every time!

Best of Dr. Doom
"What do you mean the giant bunny escaped," whispered the President into his mic? "Now who is going to hop in here with the scroll containing all of my speeches to give to the Royal Family. Oh hell just get Biden to do it..."

Best of USMC2841
You get me the throne and I'll get you Reggie Love. Just like "Throw Mama from the Train".