Hanging Out with Mr. Balls

1. "Come as the part of Bill Maher you would most like to kick him in day" was a huge success.
2. "Hi, kids, I'm Scroty! The Safe School Mascot, Here to tell you how to lick bullying!"
3. Anthony Weiner takes his campaign to the people.
4. This year's Folsom Street Fair features a play area for the kids.
5. Grimmis's much edgier cousin Scrottis.

Boobs and Things

Make Tracks

Atheists Are the Worst Drama Queens

1. "A stripper nun and a pool party? This is the bestest birthday ever!"
2. And Billy is set on the course that would lead to him becoming one of the world's leading suspension bridge engineer.
3. "Ma'am. I will give you my allowance for a year if you will spend five minutes in the Moon Bounce with me."
4. The Safe School Czar and the way it Could Have Been if only we had elected Donald Trump.
5. Billy stared at the tittehs, but his friends Brucie and Ricky couldn't take their eyes off the Lifeguard's fabulous six-pack.

If he hadn't written his own caption I'd've written it for him... word for word

Best of prince of leaves
Josh later claimed he was talking about how he admires his auto-mechanic girlfriend for having the skill and tools to change his oil, which unlike most men he can't manage on his own.

Best of chunkstyle
Way to make fun of the emasculated hipster with ironic facial hair. Educate yourselves. Learns his story. Morans!

Best of metalgarth
Thought bubble: "But, Vincent and I love Cox more!"

Best of champaignken
When he writes "girlfriend",he means my leather daddy and "strap-on", he means throbbing member.

Best of DaveP.
Another DNC intern displays his qualifications.

SCOAMF Phone

1. Standard Caption #8: "Is this the cocksucker residence? 2-1-3-4 Pussy way?"
2. "Am I talking into the right end? These things always confuse me."
3. "Mr. Hannity... this is um... Bill... in, um... one of them flyover states... You suck!"
4. "Can the IRS shoot people if I order them to? Just askin'"
5. "Good news Reggie, the test came back negative, so we're still on for Saturday?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Q FM 96 plays more hit music with less commercials, and I just said the phrase that pays!"

Best of Dactyl
Mister President, your mother is on line two. She says she loves Cox.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Why yes, Mr. Ryan, my refrigerator *IS* running. Why do you ask? ... Why are you laughing like that?" President Obama (codenamed "Deadbolt" by the Secret Service) receives yet another prank call from Best of sources.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I've been stuck here for 30 minutes! How hard can it be to get a replacement pack of butt closures?? THEY COST HOW MUCH?! Nevermind, drop by the Fed, take it out of petty cash. Oh, and have Butt Seals, Inc. audited!

Best of chronos the wonder pig
"Hello, IRS? This is a Presidential Order: Audit V the K."

Best of HLam
"One extra large pepperoni pizza, one extra cheese and sausage pizza, one with mushroom and black olives, and one with onions and green peppers. And Fries. Lots of Fries. Oh, and three small garden salads for me, Sasha, and Malia."

Best of GregMan
"Hold on, I'll ask. Is Dick Hertz here?"

Best of Rodney Dill
    Anthony Weiner? Yes, I'll hold.....

 

The Return of the Gravy-Addicted Teacher Union Heavy

1. "Bring me Han Solo and the Wookie!!!"

2. "Stop that Twinkie!" she shouted through her bullhorn as the schoolbus pulled away.

3. She waddled into action as soon as she heard Rahm Immanuel was going to follow Bloomberg's example and ban 250 oz sodas.

4. "Why, that's the planet Mercury son. I have no idea how it became a Chicago Union Boss."

5. A Chicago Teachers Union President was arrested today for possession of 80 lbs of crack.

Best of Double the U
    "Starvation wages", sadly that isn't a caption but an actual quote.

Best of Dactyl
What do we want? A bucket of fried chicken, two large pizzas with sausage and extra cheese, a batch of home fries, a mess o' donuts, and a six pack of Bud Lite. When do we want it? ....

Best of blue
Cox called, they don't love her.

Best of prince of leaves
But what at first appeared to be a megaphone was actually Betty's newfangled eatin' funnel, which used a tractor beam to draw in and automatically puree any food within a 60-degree cone of its laser targeting beam. Within days, roach coaches stopped showing up at the school during lunch hour.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Boy, when they said that their union line was going to sit around the building, they *meant* it would sit AROUND the building

Best of Rodney Dill
"That's no moon!"

We're going to need a bigger tampon.

Best of dadoctah
    Her friends call her "BP".
    Not that she has any friends, during Shark Week.

Best of prince of leaves
"I don't know what happened!" exclaimed a distraught Tyler. "I dozed off, heard this sudden thump and a squelched scream, and when I looked over there was nothing but a shark-shaped dent in the sand!"

Best of GregMan
Sandra Fluke's day at the beach had the predictable outcome.

Best of jimmy
   "Go Crimson Tide, baby!"
    ---Spring Break on Alabama's Gulf Coast always had a certain je ne sais quoi.

Best of Submariner
    You said "taRpon" fishing? My bad. Can I have that back?

Pissed Off

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Honest, officer, doctors have told me the best thing is when I feel it I should just release it, otherwise I could get uromysitisis poisoning and die!
ORA Seinfeld (obligatory reference)

Best of Passionate Conservative
Wow. The IRS really does want EVERYTHING!

Best of dadoctah
Just reporting my earnings on my investment in the Pipi corporation.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"Wait, IRS doesn't stand for 'Internal Relief Station'? Well, this is awkward."

Free For All Friday

"I'm a United States Marine for gawd's sake and this SCOAMF treats me like a gawdam umbrella stand. Who am I? Mary f-ckin' Poppins? Gawd, I wish I had my sword right now. Stupid f-cker can't even tell if it's raining. Sh-t, I would rather be bussing tables at Amy's f-cking Baking Company than standing next to this pile of sh-t...." 


Best of chronos the wonder pig
"Why must the Tea party always rain on my parade?"

Best of blue
"Is that thunder or did McCain crap his pants again?"

Best of jimmy
Marine: "That's it, SCOAMF. Two more steps over. Just one foot on that loose wire in the mud puddle and we're all home free."

Best of prince of leaves
[SCOAMF looks up at the next picture] "Huh, I thought that 'rain' smelled like asparagus and steroids."

Best of dadoctah
This may be the worst Justice League reboot since the one with Vibe and Gypsy.

Best of Joshua
Thoughtbubble: I bet if I pushed this all the way through his chest they'd have trouble pulling it out.