Friday, August 26, 2016

Beeg Yuuger Gyant Focking Khet


1. Tom Cruise wakes up in the morning and greets his normal sized Khet.

2.  We've replaced Joe's usual Khet with an Abomination of God, Let's see if he notices.

3. "I need to clean the litter box again. Do we still have M'Chel's eatin' shovel?"

4. Joe thought he had the 'Biggest Pussy' contest sewn up until Kanye West, Bill Maher, and Barack Obama showed up.  

5. Between his cat allergies and the outrageous cost of EpiPens, Joe soon went bankrupt.

Rorschach Blot Cheerleaders

I don't even have a caption for this, I just thought it was kind of neat.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Feats of Strength



1. For her next feat of strength, Hillary will fist Huma live on 'Ellen DeGeneres.'

2. Hillary's People: "We need to do something on your show to dispel these health rumors." Kimmel's people: "Well, how about we take her for a run in the park." Hillary's People: "Um, no, she doesn't walk around so good." Kimmel's People: "How about we let her take questions from the audience."  Hillary's People: "No, taking unprepared questions causes her to have seizures." Kimmel's People: "How about she opens a pickle jar." Hillary's People: "OK, but *we* supply the jar."

3. "Twist harder... pretend there's a large donation in it from a brutal foreign dictator who wants a favor." *Pop*

4. "Whew! This lid is on much tighter than the one on the Testicle Jar."

5. Not everyone was impressed. "Kermit Gosnell would have had that opened in nothing flat," sniffed Cecile Richards at Planned Parenthood.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Oh, Look, Someone Caught a Goa'Uld


1. Hillary actually has a nest of those thingies living in her lower colon.
2. Someone just caught a great big, "Nooop, No F--king Way."
3. The catch has already been offered a permanent hosting job on 'The View.'
4. "Bob, is it wrong that this fish makes me horny?"
5. The main ingredient in McDonald's new 'Filet O'Noooooope' sandwich.

Friday, August 19, 2016

Eight Water Crack

Brender

1. And the Jamaican Synchronized Queefing Team takes to the pool.
2. Humiliated by their bronze metal, the entire Japanese diving team committed suicide.
3. Some "Loch Ness Monster" photos are more obviously fake than others.
4. The morning after an entire swim team agreed to testify against Hillary Clinton.
5. After catching a glimpse of the Olympic spectacle, Hillary Clinton dismissed her staff and had some 'alone time.'

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

When you eat the whole cheese wheel

Schneider


1. DNA Tests to determine whether Beavis or Butthead was the father were inconclusive.
2. Hi-Resolution Sonograms have gone too far.
3. The "That Face You Make When..." Meme has just hit that mother lode.
4. Someone's passing last night meal of "Habanero-Stuffed Jalapeno shooters."
5. The face that got over a million hits on the "Asian O-Faces" website.



Best of dadoctah
ORA: The Brothers Grunt turn up in some of the most unlikely places.

 

Best of Dr. Doom
When Dawn read the Black Olives Matter sign at her local pizzeria the shock wave from her head explosion was felt all the way to Rio...

 

Best of Best of
And this is what pooping hot dogs looks like.

 

Best of Submariner
Though his form was absolutely perfect, Chang only scored a 3.5 on his cannonball dive based on the negative level of difficulty.