Tuesday, August 26, 2014
1. "Look at all these giant flashlights I found in Dad's toolshed!"
2. It's a hard-knock life being one of Sandy Fluke's interns.
3. Andy Dick's personal assistant unloads the dishwasher. Unfortunately, he forgot to put on the industrial leather gloves and two weeks later his hands rotted off.
5. "Hey, Father Flannagan, look what I found! I guess that's why they call it a rectory."
6. "Should I be bothered by the fact that all of my friends got me the exact same birthday present and it was *this*?"
Monday, August 25, 2014
1. "Ah, golfing with my bilionaire buddies in a place 99.998% of Americans will never have access to. Viva La Revolucion, comrades!"
2. "I wonder what the poor people are doing today? Meh, f--k 'em!"
3. "Hey, you're right. This *is* a better means of exchanging long protein strands!"
4. "OK, Jeff, now you get down on all fours in between us and we make the Eiffel Tower."
5. "Nice butt. Er, putt. No, wait, butt."
Friday, August 22, 2014
1. "I'm at the Hyatt... Room 620... I've got poppers, nipple clamps... you name it."
2. "I'm just gettin' some measurements 'cos I'm about to lay some pipe."
3. "Your head may shine, but your body is f-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ne."
4. "Are you from the ghetto cause I'm about to ghetto hold of that ass."
5. "You gonna write me a parking ticket, officer? Because you got fine written all over you."
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
1. "On second thought, Number Two, cancel the friggin' sharks..."
2. Vladimir Putin now disposes of his enemy's Super-Villain style.
3. "Hill? Whatcha thinkin' about?" "Nothin' Bill, same as usual."
4. Mylie Cyrus's new stage show is really quite somethin'
5. The Cirque du Soleil Act that traumatized and forever changed the destiny of a young Andrew Sullivan.
Monday, August 18, 2014
1. The Obamas watch televised coverage of the Ferguson riots.
2. "OMG! She's really doing it with a donkey! I love Tijuana!"
3. "Wow. Metalgarth's band is really quite good."
4. The Obama attend another Fundraiser. Sandra Fluke offers donors lap-dances for a $100 donation, and offers not to perform a lap dance for a $200 donation.
5. "Nothing like a good dog fight to lose the grip of the old ennui, eh, M'Chel?"
Best of Submariner
"The One" has a rather predictable response to the Hilldawg's clitorectomy...
Best of Dr. Doom
Late in his Presidency, Obama Death Panel meetings were televised using an awards show gala format...
Best of Dr. Doom
"Look Michelle, five more illeg... er... under-served future Democrat voters made it past the checkpoint" applauded the President, "This is much better than Fast and Furious..."
Best of jimmy
PrezBO: "I'm so glad we decided to re-institute the gladiator games. NOW I really feel like the emperor I was born to be. I say! Ann Coulter sure can swing an ax."
Best of USMC2841
The Obama's were thrilled to learn the Queen had regifted his speeches.
Best of GregMan
"Whooo-eee! Dat Michael Brown sure put da smack-down on dat Pakistani store owner!"
Best of metalgarth
"Wow. Metalgarth's band is really quite good." So let's find a way to download his CD for free! Paying for music is for suckers.
Best of mega
(from the TV set) "....and today ISIS burned down another three Christian villages..."
Best of mega
Once the Espheni harnesses started glowing, it became much easier to tell who was or wasn't human.
Best of curly
“Look M’chelle! There’s another white-owned business in Ferguson going up in flames!”