Friday, April 24, 2015

Uncle Joe, Some Children, and Some Vomit.


1. "You little bitch, how dare you make me think of Hillary, naked, doing jumping jacks."

2. "Yup, it tastes like dogsh-t, too. Good thing we didn't step in it."

3. "No, no, no, Alisha. This is how a man does the Missionary position. You just sort of lay there and take it."

4. "Now that, my young friends, is a loogie!"

5. Little girl: "I see you had one of M'Chel's school lunches, too."

Thursday, April 23, 2015

I'm Still Moving

Sorry about the lack of posts. Just got the internets back this morning.

Here's more.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Oh, Yeah, I Almost Forgot

I am in the midst of relocating from the People's Republic of Maryland to the Middle of America. So, just play with this for a while. I think Schneider sent it. Probably Schneider.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Mandalorian

In honor of the new Star Wars trailer.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Shake Hand with the Mighty Gonga

1. "Then we have a deal. The young females are mine."

2. "Well, you seem like the kind of idiot rubes who would fall for my hackneyed cliches about helping the middle class."

3. "Mrs... Clinton... you're... crushing... my... hand."

4. "Now, I am going to hold your hand over the candle flame to prove your loyalty."

5. "Don't worry. I would never leave you folks to die in a Muslim hellhole under terrorist attack. Been there, done that."

Once you have seen it, you cannot un-see it.

1. German man is the Jocelyn Wildenstein of penises.

2. Andrew Sullivan once thought there was a hole in his life that nothing would ever fill.

3. [Insert Tax Day under Obama metaphor here.]

4. Harry Reid's facial injuries explained.

5. Bizarre sex fetishes are to Germany what drug-involved shootings related to domestic relationships are to Florida.

Best of Verdoppeln Sie die U

Best of Submariner
    Once he entered the Blue Oyster, it became a table, IYKWIMAISTYD...

Best of Submariner
    Ja, Liebkin; You vant a real man, not some puny liddel brown sukkah. I'm a man vat vill pump, YOU up!

Best of Submariner
    Hugh Jackman's latest roll really takes him out of his comfort zone, eh?

Best of Dr. Doom
Ang Lee's remake of The Spy Who Loved Me was disturbing but very well received in San Francisco...

Best of Best of
    Now that disney owns staR warS,
    Dark Helmets origin can be explained

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    Hillary's is bigger.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    New Mad Max = pass.

Best of Dactyl
    What Mal Reynolds does on his days off is nobody's business but his.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Couldn't find a good picture of Hillary, so, whatever...

1. "Full body cavity searches, officer? Awesome!"
2. "Eat gravel, pastor!"
3. "Faster! The T-1000 is gaining on us!"
4. In the 'Brady Bunch Alternate Ending,' Carol put it into reverse and gunned it right into a gasoline truck.
5. "So, she left it in Neutral on a hill next to a lake. I guess Mom has a new boyfriend."

Best of Best of
    A Country Squire to make Harry Reid perspire

Best of dadoctah
    The unaired "very special episode" of My Three Sons explored Ernie's other side.

Best of Submariner
    "Meals To Go" makes a delivery to Hillary.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Hey Dad... The dog crate's missing from the roof again."

Best of The Expendable
    "Run faster, Skippy! We're almost there!"

Friday, April 10, 2015

Another Heteronormative Microagression Trigguer


1. Some white girls find the traditional mating call ("I'm SO drunk") too subtle.

2. ORA: The Bluth's edgy web ad brought a lot of business to the banana stand.

3. Jackie's impression of "Every MSNBC Host" was always a crowd-pleaser.

Best of Best of
Pity not Willis for his troubled youth after Diff'rent Strokes; pity him because Sarah Silverman will never stop providing succor.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    "Baby Please,I'm not from Havana."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    "Chocolate milk" can be both a noun AND a verb.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    How Obama gets Harf to stop saying silly shit.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Will.... oooh, that's what'chu talkin' 'bout! Yeeeeeaaaaah!"

Best of The Expendable
    D'Shawn is living vicariously through Muffy.

Best of Dr. Doom
Suddenly everywhere across the time-space continuum an infinite number of Dawns' heads explode simultaneously causing an immediate increase in the IQ of the multi-verse...

Best of USMC2841
    Once Bill heard he may be back in the oval office he hired the folks at American Idol to screen the interns.

Best of Submariner
    You know how to whistle, don't you, sugar? Just pucker up your lips and blow...

Best of Rodney Dill
    "OK... you can open our eyes now."