Tuesday, September 02, 2014

DWS Meets the People



1. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz explains to her constituents about how Democrats "embrace different standards of beauty" and therefore she ought to be considered hot.

2. "Show us your tits!" "One more outburst like that, and I'll have you removed Mrs. Ferguson."

3. "... And for a donation of $500, you gain the use of one 'Get Out of the Death Panel' free card."

4. "Perhaps Mrs. Ferguson can answer the gentleman's question: Why *are* tits so great?"

5. "Now, I understand the gentleman in back with the turban has a question for the 'Zionist Kike-bitch."

Friday, August 29, 2014

Unlike Obama, Code Pink has an actual strategy for dealing with Islamic terror.


1. "It's dirt, baby, because that's all you're worth."

2. "OMG! This is slightly worse than my normal dandruff."

3. "Mmmm! This cat litter is full of Tootsie Rolls."

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Yes, those are Fleshjacks


1. "Look at all these giant flashlights I found in Dad's toolshed!"

2. It's a hard-knock life being one of Sandy Fluke's interns.

3. Andy Dick's personal assistant unloads the dishwasher. Unfortunately, he forgot to put on the industrial leather gloves and two weeks later his hands rotted off.

5. "Hey, Father Flannagan, look what I found! I guess that's why they call it a rectory."

6. "Should I be bothered by the fact that all of my friends got me the exact same birthday present and it was *this*?"

Best of dadoctah
    A 21st-century nod to the days when every supervillain had his "themed" arsenal of trick weapons (remember the Penguin's collection of umbrellas?)

Best of kg
    I didn't know that Pajama Boy had a brother.

Best of jimmy
    ORA: I will love him and hug him, and squeeze him and pet him, and I will name him George!

Best of The Expendable
    Since most Democrat voters already had multiple Obama phones, campaign workers had to find other "incentives" to buy their votes... err... encourage their loyalty.

Best of Best of
    Herschel's homemade menorahs are a hit in Hell's Kitchen

Best of Best of
    Fresh from searching every San Fran glory-hole for the famed golden ticket, Charlie beams with pride at winning a tour of Wee Willie Wonka's pencil-dick emporium.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Five white ones for your interns and the premium gold model for you. Should I box them all together or will you be wearing yours home, Mrs. Clinton?

Best of Mr Hankey
    Of course they were free! I got them on a late-night shopping spree in Ferguson!

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "I... I no longer want to be called PajamaBoy," he said rapturously. "From this moment on, they will call me.... Captain Fleshlight!"

    (Now he just needs to put the nipples on his suit, and he'll be just like Batman.)

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Rory's unique resume packet got him interviews for Supply Manager with 3 Antarctic research teams, China's submarine fleet and NASA's International Space Station.

Best of GregMan
    Todd is overjoyed that for once he has plans for Friday night.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Wonder SCOAMF Powers, Activate...


1. "Ah, golfing with my bilionaire buddies in a place 99.998% of Americans will never have access to. Viva La Revolucion, comrades!"

2. "I wonder what the poor people are doing today? Meh, f--k 'em!"

3. "Hey, you're right. This *is* a better means of exchanging long protein strands!"

4. "OK, Jeff, now you get down on all fours in between us and we make the Eiffel Tower."

5. "Nice butt. Er, putt. No, wait, butt."

Best of curly
 Showing wonderful dexterity and playfulness, our Dear Leader participates in an impromptu one-handed game of "London Bridge Is Falling Down".

Best of The Expendable
    "So... umm... do you want to... umm... come back to my place and work on your putz?"

Best of The Expendable
    Apparent, M'chelle is not the only one that he enjoys fisting...

Best of Dr. Doom
    Caddy: "Very good sir, another hole in twelve... so mark it as par then?"
    Mr. Obama: "No mark it down - just make sure Biden does the adding when we get to the 19th hole..."

Best of Mr Hankey
    Whatever happened to Dumb Donald, Mushmoith, and Weird Harold?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Obamalama's Bucket List #71
    ✓ Swapping cash for smack right under the nose of my Secret Service detail.

Best of Dr. Doom
    "Danged if I can find it," complained the President, "Have General Smith pull the drone off Boehner and come find my ball..."

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "Play that, um, uh, funky, um uh uh um, that funky music, um uh white boy."

Best of Mr Hankey
    Yeah, I got my clubs "shopping" in Ferguson too!!!

Best of Steve O
    And then I said, "Well, that depends on what the definition of 'ISIS' is!"



Friday, August 22, 2014

Why, Hello, Officer


1. "I'm at the Hyatt... Room 620... I've got poppers, nipple clamps... you name it."

2.  "I'm just gettin' some measurements 'cos I'm about to lay some pipe."

3. "Your head may shine, but your body is f-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ne."

4. "Are you from the ghetto cause I'm about to ghetto hold of that ass."

5. "You gonna write me a parking ticket, officer? Because you got fine written all over you."

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "Where da white women?"

Best of dadoctah
    Worst. Village People cover band. Ever.

Best of mega
"Don't go off the reservation, captain. They're ALL devils, and until we've killed every last one of them, our work is not done."

Best of Mr Hankey
Just give me 24 hours to come up with a brilliant idea to save our town. Just 24 hours. That's all I ask.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    I love this scene in Tropic Thunder where the black-face actor tries bullshitting the bewildered black guy.

Best of The Expendable
    "... and I command the spirit of tolerance for the white man to flee your body! Spirit of unity between the races BE GONE! In the name of black Jebus, you are healed!"

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "Bat Cave, 10 minutes!"

Best of curly
    "There's a riot in my pants..."

Best of Best of
    "And we're slow dancing, swaying to the music
    Slow dancing, just me and my guy
    Slow dancing, swaying to the music
    No one else in the whole wide world
    In the whole wide world"

Best of Jay Guevara
    "I wish I could quit you."

Thursday, August 21, 2014