Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Selfie

Brender


1. That vacuous expression of complete, mind-numbed stupidity. How is she not a State Department spokesperson.

2. "Wow, I can't believe the secret service let me get this close to the President considering I'm packing two Glocks and I'm infected with Ebola!"

3. "I can't believe I just farted on the President!"

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Part-Time SCOAMF



1. The psychiatrist had never had a patient like this before. His answer to every Rorschach blot was "Me being awesome."

2. "Here is Mr. Holder's resignation letter. We have crossed out 'cap some white-ass punk cracker bitches' and put in 'spend more time with my family.'"

3. "And this sheet of paper lists all of your pre-presidential, first term, second term, and anticipated lifelong accomplishments."

4. "So, after that little call from the IRS, Malia's biology teacher wised up and changed that C- to an A+."

5. "Anyway, this is a drawing of what you and Reggie Love were doing when Sasha walked in, according to her therapist."

Monday, September 29, 2014

The Grandparents



1. "No, Hill, this one's not for eating... Hill, rehinge your jaw. Hill... Hill?"

2. "Yeah, she's going to be a real hotty in about 15 years. I hope I'm still alive."

3. "Well, hello there campaign prop... I mean... grand-daughter.... I mean, campaign prop."

4. "And the best part is, I've already arrange to marry her to a Saudi Prince for $5 million."

5. "Oh, Bill, it's so nice to have another organ bank."

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

And Now, Something for the Ladies



1. An now, a very special episode of Dirty Jobs, directed by Ang Lee.
2. Andrew Sullivan's bridesmaids pose with their souvenir "power tools."
3. Chippendale's were never the same after the Obama Administration's revised hiring standards.
4. The Village People had to do some rework to meet the next generation's fetish expectations.
5. They may not look like much, but put on "Call Me, Maybe" and their flawless choreography will blow your mind.

Best of dadoctah
"And now a late-breaking report from Sumo Eyewitness News!"

Best of Submariner
AOM's throwing a party, eh?

Best of GregMan
After Dirty Jobs moved to it's new studio on Folsom Street, it was never the same again.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ferndale Senior High Audio Visual Club's 10th Year Reunion and Wilberforce is still upset at the jocks for laughing at their letterman diapers.

Best of jimmy
Will CNN ever regain a shred of credibility?
Depends.

Best of mega
Once "children can stay on your policy until they're 26" had taken hold, it was only a matter of time...

Best of mega
On the upside, none of these men is likely to participate in Rape Culture.

Best of Kaptain Krude
The John Edwards is Good Fan Club poses for publicity photos.

Best of Dr. Doom
Meet the Secret Service Detail for the President's last visit to Man Country...

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

The Question That Answers Itself


1. And in a rare caption coincidence, another protester provides the slogan of the Democrat Party.

2. The face that says, "I have never had a moment a real joy in my entire life."

3. "How could we be this stupid... to mindlessly follow Leo DiCaprio and Al Gore as they buzz in on their private jets to lecture about carbon footprints." It is indeed a good question.

Best of The Expendable
"My mom told me not to pop it. That was 28 years ago and it's still intact. What, the pimple on my nose? No, that's new. I was talking about my virginity."

Best of Dr. Doom
I can't tell did this person vote for Barack Obama or Ron Paul?

Best of Submariner
I'd wondered what Susan Estridge was up to...

Best of curly
Who said there’s no such thing as an honest liberal Democrat?

"We Need Balls"


1. Coincidentally, the Republican Party has exactly the same slogan.

2. Andrew Sullivan and the Safe School Czar join the global warming protest.

3. After his two dads' totally misguided attempt to show support, Billy reluctantly had to quit the soccer team.

Best of Double the U
You spelled "brains" wrong.

Best of GregMan
At the Folsom Street Climate Change Rally, Todd misunderstood the phrase "Long, Hard Winter", which was fine by Frank.

Best of metalgarth
This road closed for erection... said no one. Ever.

Best of Submariner
After turning Thor into a "Disney Princess," I guess this isn't much of a stretch for Prince Adam and Cringer...

Best of The Expendable
Patty increasingly viewed Marcie's lengthy "pre-op" status as a lack of commitment. However, the frugal Marcie's real reason for hesitating was that she hated the idea of wasting the $800-per-inch tattoo she'd gotten last year.

Best of racerboy
We Need Balls!
Such Big Balls!!
Dirty Big Balls!!!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Connie Chung impersonating Anthony Weiner and Bawney Fwank impersonating a St. Patrick's Day float tied for 1st Place in a very strange Friday the 13th in Times Square ritual.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Well, they're not gonna find any in the White House right now, that's for sure.

Best of Dr. Doom
NOW performance art...

Best of Kaptain Krude
Peter Frampton (pictured far right) couldn't believe his luck. He could now retire the Pig from Pink Floyd and start a new sensation! Life was good!