Some Kind of Suit of Armor with a Feather Boa that Posted Early

"Sur

1. Sauron would regret repealing the Orcs' "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

2 .Lady Ga Ga, it's over. Deal with it.

3. "Sure, Mrs Obama, I can take out the hips a little. I'll just need... 3 or 4 sheets of siding."

4. Sarah Jessica Parker's Oscar gown was designed to cover up her 'trouble spots.'

5. I hate it on a Star Trek when they create a "new alien race" by throwing a new feather boa on an old alien race. 

This is passing around

Fighting for the Privilege of Losing to SCOAMF

1. Romney's response to Santorum's criticisms of Romneycare: "Tickle Fight!"

2."Hey, can't we just stop fighting and be grateful nobody good is running?"

3. Santorum: "Hey, look, just because I lost my senate seat to a mentally retarded man doesn't mean I can't beat the SCOAMF."

4. Romney: "Rick, I don't wanna say your wife is ugly, but the last time I saw a face like that, it was strapped to the top of my car."

5. Santorum. "Food goes in here." 

Stomp!

Sondra K

1. "Mr. Romney, step out of the car and unstrap the dog from the roof."

2. Meghan McCain pays a visit to the set of 'Top Gear.'

3. GEICO's new spokeswoman, Angry Naked Lesbian, was not as popular as the Gecko or the Cavemen.

4. "Hand over the McNuggets and the Shamrock Shake! And all the fries!!" Meghan McCain goes off her diet.

5. Government Motors tried to goose sales of the Chevy Volt by adding a provocative hood ornament. Appropriately, it was gross, bloated, and impeded any chance of reasonable progress.

Portrait of an LGF Commenter

1. "Not even remotely hot chicks with douchebags" was not as successful as the blog that inspired it.

2. Not to say Eugene was pathetic, but he was the kid the drama club bullied.

3. "OOOOOOKLAHOMA!... where the nerds try vainly to get to second base..."

4. "OK, now before we call this meeting of 'Youth for Ron Paul' to order, I have to ask all the Jews to leave."

5. Damn, ever LA passed those 'No Barebacking' laws, pr0n has gotten just pathetic.

Yay. Go Team.

1. The Sequel to "Mystery Men" was even worse than the original.

2. Unfortunately, the school administration had no idea what the word entailed when they initiated "Cosplay Night"

3. The sheriff's department sent a few deputies over to the school to make sure the Primary Colors Club didn't get into another rumble with the Grayscale Gang.

4. The basketball coach chuckled quietly that the schoolgirls needed entire capes to communicate what he could get across with a colored handkerchief in his back pocket.

5. "I wish the basketball team would wrap up this silly game so we could begin our Erotic Catfight Competition."

Stylin' in da Hood

Brender

1. Aretha Franklin was all set for Obama's second inaugural.

2. I see the White House is hosting another 'Alice in Wonderland' party.

3. M'Chel's fashion sense just gets worse and worse. 

4. Hawaii 5-0 was a big hit, so why not bring back Starsky and Hutch? The line for Huggy Bear auditions forms to the left.

5. As the Republicans imploded, the amount of swagger in the SCOAMF 2012 campaign became ridiculous.

Innocent Mormon Boy Molested by BB Skanks

1. Champion Quidditch players got their choice of Hogwarts cheerleaders.

2. "They totally bought that I was a medical student and offered to help me study for my gynecology midterm." 

3."I had to convince them I was in Special Ed, but it was SO worth it."

4. "So, what do you ladies hear about Ron Paul?"

5. "Sorry mom and dad, I accidentally turned on MSNBC when Meghan McCain and Rachel Maddow were talking about vaginal probing and I needed an emergency jump start on my heterosexuality."

Kelly Kelly Kelly Brook Brook Brook

The Brigade

Thank Al It's Thursday

Weird Al and Team Edward

Here

1.Hey, what's Weird Al doing with my crossbow target?

2. "Yeah, my career hit 'Twilight' right after 'Amish Paradise.'"

3.   ♪ ♫ "'She ran calling v-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-mpire... She ran calling v-a-a-a-a-mpire...' Nah, too seventies." ♪ ♫

4.  'Andrew Sullivan had a yard sale. It still has slobber stains on it. I hope that's slobber. How long does the HIV virus survive in open air."

5. Do you have any idea how many emotionally stunted middle-aged women I had to fight off at Dollar Tree to claim this prize?

Feelin' Blue

Schneider

1. "Could you point us to the seafood department. We have to pick up some oysters for our cult."

2. Ultra, ultra ORA: "So, which one of you guys is Zaz?"

3. So, Papa Smurf picked up a couple of Tennessee Shack-Up honeys, is that what I am to believe here?"

4. "Sorry, can't buy liquor here on Sunday because of the blue laws." And another case of racism heads to the DoJ for adjudication.

5. "So, just how long have you guys been withholding sex from each other?"

Best of Rodney Dill
...on the other hand paternity claims were rather hard to dispute.

Best of metalgarth
Whaddya mean our credit card was declined? That's just smurfing great!

Best of Double the U
Which way to the Blue Light Special?

Best of dadoctah
Willy Wonka's gum goes to beta test.

Best of jj
Wow...Blue Man Group has really let themselves go...

Best of JohnS1959
New on Oxygen this fall, Oompah Loompah Sister Wives

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Upon learning the store ran out of Twinkies and Ho Ho's, they staged an impromptu protest by holding their breath until they turned... well, you know.

Our Five-Thousandeth Post

Daily Caller via Jim "Mother May I Sleep with" Treacher

1. "Repeat with me, everyone. 'The Corps is Mother, The Corps is Father.' And don't pronounce it like that idiotic SCOAMF does."

2. Hillary's jazz hand sort of sucked, but her impression of Obama's retard face was spot-on.

3. "And in 2016, we will begin implanting health care tracking chips into the right hand of every citizen."

4. Hillary was only a tad surprised at the response to the question, 'Raise your hand if you have orally serviced a president of the United States."

5. This went way better than Hillary'slast trip to a Health Care Facility...

Best of Dactyl
After repeated washings, do your whites start to look drab and dingy?

Best of Spin
Five...FIVE...$5.00 foot-longs all month at Subway

Best of Passionate Conservative
This hand is used for pleasure...

Best of Cat Whisperer
Our Secretary of State greets the returning Heaven's Gate cultists aboard the mother ship.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Oh! They picked me! So I follow them to the top of the volcano, and then what happens?"

Best of Christopher Estep
The Obamacare Death Panel always opens its meetings by polling the members for how many empty hospital beds "created or saved" in the last week.

Best of dadoctah
Where da white pantsuit at?

Best of Submariner
Who thinks the bitch should iron shirts?

THreadwinner Mr Hankey
Logan 5...you are LONG past due time to enter Carousel.

Best of VInneh
Hillary mets with the medical team that will secretly castrate Bill during his annual check up.

Why Rick Santorum wants to bring back, Don't Ask, Don't Tell

1."Hey, that's not an Irish Woodcock. Who's been messing with my Ornithology book?"

2. With careful camouflage, it is possible to get around annoying restraining order.

3. Barney Frank made a note to have a hedge maze installed at the next practical interval.

4. Eric Stoltz's early porn movie roles were only slightly less embarrassing than Caprica. 

5. New poster for the new gay-friendly, environment-friendly, ginger-friendly Army.

Best of metalgarth
Will Ang Lee's remake of 'Rambo' be known as 'Ramrod' or 'Rambutt'?

Best of Rodney Dill
Butt-Closures now come in nifty Camouflage patterns.

Best of dadoctah
Today's Pinal County Sheriff's department wants to join *you*!

Best of Dr. Doom
Penn State recruiting posters have evolved over the years...

Best of Dactyl
In the later seasons of Happy Days, Richie Cunningham and Ralph Malph are drafted and slated for a tour in Vietnam. Richie tried to get out of it.

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
Todd tried his best to camouflage his sexiness from the ladies. What he didn't realize was him being a ginger already achieved that.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Nope, Phil, I can still see you. Perhaps your total lack of body hair is the problem."

Best of Submariner
Ron Weasley; Soldier of Fortune