Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Is This How They Say 'Good Morning' Where You Come From?

1. The Democrats aren't even subtle about it any more.

2. "Mind if I pet your gerbil?"

3. "Oh, you Americans and your silly notions of personal space."

4. "Obamacare surprise mandatory prostate exam!"

5. Missed Connections: "I was wearing white shorts. You felt up my ass at the bar. Call me."

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Bathroom Break

1. "Gawd, I hate using the bathrooms at Target."

2. "So, Lloyd, how are things going with that Thai mail-order bride?"

3. The Safe School Czar's advice on finding love seems to work for straight people, too.

4. The couple in the back isn't bothering him. It just really sank in that his choices are Trump or Hillary.

5. "Sheesh, I remember when you could go into a Rest Area men's room and get blown by another dude. I f--kin' hate this century."

Monday, May 23, 2016

And Now For Something Completely Different...

*Third* Rate Pr0n. (HT: The Chive)

Mr. Sanders (will) Tear Down this Wall!

1. Fed Up with his increasingly disruptive behavior, the Democrat Party gave Bernie a timeout.
2. Bernie at last locates the prison where Hillary was holding the Super-Delegates.
3. "OMG, there are like 80,000,000 unregistered Democrat voters on the other side of this wall. We must find a way to get them in!"
4. It then occurred to Bernie that if he ever really did implement socialism, he was going to need this wall to keep people in.
5. Three years into his term, President Sanders inspects the walls of Gulag #32 (formerly, the state of Kansas).

Saturday, May 21, 2016

26 Years... That's a long time to build a bridge

Friday, May 20, 2016

In the Tank for President Orangey

1. "Get out now, he'll only hurt you. Believe me, I know." - Chris Matthews.

2. I haven't seen a look on a face like that since Ronda Rousey modeled lingerie for Rachel Maddow.

3. "... And then, Sean, once you complete the series and become 'clear,' you then become a Level III Operating Thetan."

4. "You did me a big favor by turning your radio and TV shows into eight months of solid infomercials for my campaign. In gratitude, your death will be swift when The Purges start."

5. "Is this really your bedroom, Hannity? Good Lord, man, you have creeped me the f--k out."

Om Nom Nom Nom

1. rigglypuff wasn't so bad before the all-cookie-dough diet.
2. Seeing the Trump-Hillary choice, an unsurprising number of voters have chosen suicide-through-chocking-to-death-on-cookie-dough.
3. Make fun all you want, but this is pretty much me when McRib is back.