Monday, September 26, 2016

Well this is nauseating



1. "I had always hoped to be in your strong, manly arms at the End of the World."

2. "Don't worry, just stay calm, breathe in and out... I've had to talk Barry down off all kinds of bad trips. I know what I'm doing."

3. Well, inter-racial cuckold fetishsists have hit the jackpot today, I tell you what.

4. "Can't breathe, now. Time to let go. Really... Can't... breathe"

5. Off-to-the-side, Malaria fumed, "Can't we just have just one State dinner when mom isn't dry humping an old white guy?"

Friday, September 23, 2016

If I Had a Hammer


1. Chuck Schumer was confused: "Which end of this assault rifle do the bullets come out?"

2. Watching McConnell bang himself in the face with the claw end was funny for the first ten minutes, but after that, Paul Ryan just felt sorry for him.

3. "You guys are pathetic. Look how fast Hillary's hammering. Of course she keeps missing the nail and her aides are standing between her and the cameras and now one of them's got a hypodermic needle out, but God bless her, look at her go."

4. Republicans try to construct an artificial backbone.

5. "He was just a poor defensless little mouse. Why'd you have to do that to him, Senator Schumer?"

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Dr. Kevorkian, I'm Ready for my Close-Up


1. "Th-th-th-th-that's all folks."

2. "You know, they say the eyes are windows to the.. .OMG, Run! It's a Hellmouth! Save yourselves."

3. Asked if she would undergo “neurocognitive tests,” Clinton tells reporter: "Unnecessary. My brain is 100% mayonnaise toaster buttocks."

4. Suddenly her fashion choices become... explicable.

5. "Madame Secretary, Just how intense was the orgasm Huma gave you last night?"

Best of jimmy
"Hey, LAAAAAYYYYYY-DEEEEEEEE!"

Best of Dr. Doom
Where will you be when your 5KW diesel powered vibrator kicks in?

Best of Submariner
The only sure tell for the exact moment the snuke goes off in the snizz.

Best of jimmy
All that's missing is a ring of cartoon songbirds circling her head.

Best of Jay Guevara
"That's amazing. You think I look a goofy chipmunk too? Everybody says that."

Best of Best of
Oh... is that a piece of Ritz cracker on his upper lip? I love Ritz crackers... If I lick it off will he notice?

 

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Hillary's Bush Support



1. All right, just to get this outtatheway, "Ai! Gojira!"

2. Ain't no party like a Uniparty because the Uniparty don't stop... ripping off taxpayers for the benefit of their cronies.

3. Not surprised Bill and Hillary are trying to look up the Statue of Liberty's skirt; Barbara Bush is kind of a surprise, tho'.

4. So, the smug guy in the middle ... who undid Reagan's tax cuts, and his son not only botched an unpopular (but eminently winnable) war, but also massively expanded domestic spending and entitlements, doubled the national debt, and left the border wide open while 20 million illegals flooded the country... claims Trump will be the death of the Republican Party.

5, On the other hand, Bush 41 was the only one smart enough not to look up when the massive flock of pigeons appeared.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Bitches, Please



1. Escalating their passive-aggressive hate-relationship, Hillary squeezes out a side fart.

2. Proof that medical marijuana is an effective treatment for both Parkinsons and AIDS.

3. "... And then Comey said that politics played no part in the investigation at all."

4. "... and then I told them, 'The Border is the most secure it has ever been.'"

5. "Is that purple drank? Dammit, bitch, you been holding out on me."

Best of metalgarth
Carl and Patty share a good laugh at all the times Homer did something stupid at work

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I've got a heavy erection under progress!"
"Gross, Hillary, I didn't need to know that."

Best of Kaptain Krude
ORA: "You know, I thought I was too old. I thought my time had passed. I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank Heaven for children."

Best of Rodney Dill
Hillary: "...and Trump won't take up my golf challenge... cause I got three strokes up on him already..."

Best of Submariner
"Best, ah, best part of, um, being President is never, uh, never, um, never needing to do a one, um, one cheek sneak."

BRA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AP!

"Might as well get used to it now, right Barry?"

Habits of the Underboob