Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Bam Zuck


1. "Let's play Mark Twain. I'll be Zuck Finn and you can be... um, never mind."

2. "I can't wait until we get to Man's Country..."

3. Using this one weird trick, your company can secure 100,000 H-Visas for cheap Indian programmers.

4. "You know why I like you Barry? Because you won't butt-rape me backstage and demand money like all the other guys, will you Barry?"

5. "That was fun. Now let's go tread on some libertarians."

Friday, June 24, 2016

Welcome to Scotland

Yes, those are indeed our choices... What, it doesn't say "Trump and a Cunt?"

Best of Dr. Doom
I see the new Chairwoman of the DNC has hit the ground running...

Best of jimmy
Constable: "I'm afraid you'll have to leave the area right now. And for the record, Your disguise isn't fooling anyone, Governor Bush."

Best of Mac
She is only a taint off.

Best of metalgarth
The "John 3:16" guy sure has let himself go.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

"Be vewwy, vewwy quiet..."

1. "Invisible AR-15. Ba-Dow! Ba-Dow!"

2. How can such tiny hands hold such a large imaginary gun?

3. "... and then I aimed my shotgun at the GOP's chances of winning in 2016..."

4. "And then I shot my hairdresser for coloring my hair with Tang breakfast drank."

5. "... and now my impression of Barack Obama fellating Vladimir Putin..."

Best of metalgarth
Everytime "Come on Eileen" gets played on the 80's station, The Donald can't help but do an air fiddle solo. 

Best of Artfldgr
Trump finally had a chance to show off the militaries new stealth rifle

Best of jimmy
"Mr. Trump! Tell us...how will you narrow down your list of VP candidates leading up to the convention?"

Best of Mr Hankey
No longer happy just showing his size, Donald decides to proclaim his girth too.

Best of Mr Hankey
Donald shows off the new clothes that only a fool cannot see.

Best of Submariner
"...and for those that somehow manage to climb the wall, I'm gonna give the Marines and Rangers freedom to have live fire exercises..."


Monday, June 20, 2016

Can't Get Rid of this Guy Soon Enough


1. "I got six months to go and I am going to burn what's left of this b-tch to the f-ckin' ground. Are you proud of me, daddy?"

2. "I like you. I will kill you last."

3. The microphone and host's erection were pointing up at exactly the same angle.

4. "Of all my presidential achievements, getting 'The Dukes of Hazzard' canceled is probably the one I'm most proud of."

5. "I have long believed that 'Father's Day' was a cruel joke on the African-American community."

Best of GregMan
"I'll demonstrate how I fellate Reggie Love using this microphone, here."


Best of jimmy
"When people say to me, 'You're no Ronald Reagan', it makes me feel a little better to look at you on TV every night and say 'You're no Johnny Carson'."


Best of Dr. Doom
"...and that is how we do it at Man Country DC," instructed the President, "now at Man Country Dusseldorf, the technique is a bit different..."


Best of dadoctah
O'Neill and Teal'c have really let themselves go. Especially Teal'c.
Best of I am not a robot
"If you tell me how much c*ck sucking and ass f*cking you had to do with Lorne Michaels to get your job I will let you know how much I had to do to become President."

Best of jimmy
Jimmy: "Would you like to be my Ed McMahon?"
PrezBO: "No thanks, Jimmy--America would never believe me in the role of a straight-man."

Best of metalgarth
Alternate universe X223759: "I'm very pleased with what we've accomplished in the last 8 years. Employment is at an all time high. GDP has seen record growth. We've gotten the federal government out of education. I'd be happier if the budget deficits could have been lowered a couple billion more, but I think it's good progress" 

Best of Submariner
"Actually, Jimmy, I feel it's the American people who have been a failure over the last seven and a half years. Sure, they've refused to agree to my every whim as directed by the media. But ESPECIALLY DISSAPOINTING is their refusal to acquiesce to my desire to confiscate all weapons from all but political office-holder bodyguards, street gangs, petty thugs, violent left-wing extremists and peaceful Islamic practitioners..."

Best of Mr Hankey
Please let me stay....I don't want to go home....M'Chel is there!