Wednesday, April 23, 2014

By Age 50, Everyone Has the Face They Deserve

1. "P'tagh!  The halls of Sto-vo-kor will be washed with your blood."

2. Out of frame, Hillary seethed. "Michelle is eating all the good children herself!"

3. "You two little crackers know any good Jew jokes?"

4. "Can't a woman take a dump on the White House lawn without you little white crackers getting all in her grill??"

5. "Wait a minute. If you two little white girls are over here, then what's on the barbecue grill?" 

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Little Kim Tours His Gigantic Aquarium


1. "Ravender walls? What faggot picked ravender for the the walls? Tear it down, start over!"

2. Jackie Chan leads an All-Star cast in Fantastic Voyage II: Inside Sandy Fluke's Yeast Infection. 

3. "Check it out; Dennis Rodman's trying to mate with a octopus."

4. "At last, I will have the freshest sushi in the Orient. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."

5. Knowing that the dictator of North Korea has a walk-in aquarium makes M'Chel Obama's extravagances slightly less impressive; but only slightly."

Monday, April 21, 2014

Harvey and SCOAMF

Free For All

Codename: Cottentail


1. "No, Larry I said we were 'Fudd-Packers.' As in, we're packing guns and we're going after Elmer Fudd. What the hell did you think I said?"

2. Security was heavy at this year's Plushy Convention.

3. "Oh, yes. You *will* participate in the yiffing."

4. Japan misunderstands yet another holiday.

5. "... they call it a 'Royale with cheese.'"

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

White Trash

1. "You're trash, girl. Nothing but trash!" Lisa's father's words echoed in her mind as she pondered her ironic predicament.

2. Finding a good spot to sunbathe in New Jersey can be a challenge.

3.  Oscar the Grouch paid well for whores who indulged his peculiar fetish.

4. Trash pick-up day at the Clinton Memorial Library.

5. The first human-dog cloning ran into some... challenges.

Best of Submariner
    Failure as a Clinton intern carries consequences...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Striking trash haulers returned to work once Grace and some other neighborhood women agreed to a deal.

Best of Best of
    I haven't been this turned on since seeing the chick in that Saw movie get tossed into the pit of used hypodermic needles.

Best of Dactyl
You have to bat the bitch on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, or she'll just keep getting in the trash.

Best of dadoctah
    Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey....

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Master Race Baiters


1. "Why ain't all the White People dead yet?"

2. "Triple whip out on three!"

3."Anal Easter Egg Hunt? Dudes, I am SO in."

Best of Best of
    Hey, where the white women at?

Best of Dactyl
Moments later, the sun struck Barry's left ear in full, creating a concentrated ray of light that bounced off Spike's glasses and Al's gold tooth to reveal the true location of the Ark of the Covenant.

Best of dadoctah
I don't know how you can call it a reunion concert when not one member of the original band shows up.

Best of Dr. Doom
    "Al please don't stand so close to me," instructed the President, "I hear the outfit is not too happy with you..."

Best of Submariner
You bring up Tawanna and I'll bring up you being on the down-low during Benghazi. Do we understand each other?

Have Your Eye Bleach Ready

1. Shallow Hal checks out Madonna.

2. By 2017, Miley Cyrus's hard living had caught up to her in a big way.

3. Not everyone can afford Eliot Spitzer's level of hooker.

Threadwinner: Dr. Doom
    What 'pride event' is Rep. Frank off to this week?

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
    Example of a rhetorical question: "Hey lady, headed to Walmart?"

Best of  andthenblammo!
    George Soros has a special outfit for when he just wants to mingle with the common herd, unnoticed.

Best of  Dactyl
    I wish I had never read Dub's dream diary.

Best of  Artfldgr
    Before feminism, such liberated forms of dress would not have been possible.

Best of  Dr. Doom
    Number 507 on the list of ways that nature says, "STAY AWAY"...

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
    Senator Barbara Mikulski on casual Fridays.

Best of  dadoctah
    "...and *that*, kids, after nine long years, is how I met your mother."

Best of  Robert
    Yes, I am going to the NOW convention. Would you like to walk with me?

Best of  Submariner
    "...and THIS is the first of your virgins, Mr. Arrafat..."

Best of  metalgarth
    Well, we can be 100% sure that the missing $6 Billion from the state department didn't go to her wardrobe fund.

Best of  Submariner
    If Michael Moore spawned with Miley Cyrus...

Yeah, Bitches